shannonkringen: 2025-11-02

freaking out missing san diego

shannon kringen ramble:

I will say that every year in Seattle I dread the cold weather and I just wait like I put on my rain gear. I put on my warm clothes and my wool socks blah blah blah. But really I just feel like I'm waiting for it to be summer again. And if I lived in San Diego I wouldn't have to wait for the weather to get better. It would just be good all the time. Not that I'm a primadonna or whatever they call it. That needs perfect weather all the time. But there is something so comforting about the weather being consistently comfortable and warm so that you can walk around in shorts and t-shirt and not be freezing your butt off and have to force yourself to go outside because it's so uncomfortable being outside because I'm a nature person. I love being outside rain or shine but I can't say that I enjoy cold, wet freezing weather just so I can stay close to nature. But that's basically what I do. Every year is just tough out the cold and the older I get. The more painful cold weather feels to me and I'm really sensitive to smell. So when I go to San Diego and I smell the eucalyptus trees and I feel that warm air and the Ocean Air I really makes me happy actually

The trauma of leaving San Diego when I was 9 years old is really affecting me ever since I got back from San Diego. It's been over a month. I have been like on edge ever since like intensely on edge and thankfully I managed to maintain my composure when I'm working but then I seem to fall apart once I'm done working. So I need to get myself back into some kind of psychotherapy relationship with some professional that will help me figure this out because I think about San Diego everyday and I think a lot of it is just a childhood wound. Although I really do love it down there, but I really don't hardly know anybody down there and there's no more family down there at all

I wonder if a good professional psychotherapist could help me figure out is my desire to go back to San Diego truly because the climate there would make me happier and more mentally stable or is it mostly just the grief about my childhood and me wanting to get something to happen? Like get my childhood back by going back to San Diego because I have a hunch that it's mostly about me wanting my childhood back or me wanting my family to heal more than it's that I have to live in a 70° weather everyday kind of place. Although I love San Diego eucalyptus trees. I love the smell of it there and I love the energy that I feel in San Diego. But maybe that's probably because I was born there and spent the first 9 years of my life there and not because I'm supposed to be there. I don't know

Sorry I keep venting. I'm just really everyday. I've been feeling like I need emotional support in a way that I don't know how to give myself. So I'm going to take all my long-winded posts again and put these all in my blogs and try not to share them here on Facebook. Good luck everyone. I know we live in challenging times and different people have different issues. I'm busier than ever like my workaholism is keeping me busy, busy busy people keep booking me. Booking me booking me booking me and I'm extremely grateful. I just want to make sure that I eat and sleep and exercise and take good care of myself and I can balance it out with how much I work all the time. Pretty much work 7 days a week

I want to reach out for more support in my personal life. I know that I shouldn't be saying this here on Facebook. I mean one of my problems obviously is inappropriate boundaries. So I think in my personal life I need to find way way way more support. Probably a lot of that needs to involve professionals. That will help help me deal with my emotional challenges and help me tap into my potential as an artist and a woman. One thing I'm sick of being is feeling ashamed of needing things emotionally from other people. I've never felt like it was okay to have any emotional needs and I feel like that's the wound of being emotionally neglected as a child is that I carry around this shame like I'm not supposed to have emotional needs and I don't even know what healthy emotional needs are and I don't know if I'm ever going to learn this. The main thing I know how to do is do my art and earn a living

I am going to write a new poem called Shan Diego. Partly about how much my early childhood memories had an effect on me and how much I love San Diego and how emotionally wounded I am and how I'm heartbroken and not really sure if I'm ever going to heal. It's going to be kind of a sad song, but I'm going to have some uplifting inspirational messages in it as well and make up cool rhymes about San Diego. I'm really still trying to heal from that and trying to figure out if my desire to go back to San Diego. Is that just me trying to get my childhood back that I lost and mourning the death of my childhood or the death of my family? Or is my desire to go back to San Diego? A healthy urge to want to live in a climate that I actually like year-round and that I would be happier in a climate that agrees with me. I mean my dad moved up here a few years after my mom and I came up here because he missed me so much, but my dad absolutely can't stand the gloomy weather and he was raised in Southern California, not San Diego but San Jose, California and Burbank California and Huntington Beach, California. And now he lives in Florida because it's a lot less expensive in Florida than California. He actually wanted to retire in California, but it's just so expensive there that he decided he could buy himself a much nicer house in Florida. Plus he has friends in Florida that he wanted to be close to. So my dad and I both seem to be a lot happier when we're in a sunnier climate

The importance of art and music and how it can comfort and soothe us and inspire us in times of emotional need . Plus it's just natural for humans to express themselves in all kinds of different ways. And I come from a family that is oriented towards art and music and creative expression . And it's true the reason why I love Tom Petty and Tori Amos so much is because the wounded child in me that didn't get enough of pinch attention from her parents or whatever it was that I needed nurturing and love and a sense of family. I use musicians. I guess that I love the work of as a way to help me cope with things in life like music therapy and my dad does the same thing. My dad has a thing about James Dean, the wounded emotional woundedness of James. Dean resonates with my dad and his love for Gordon Lightfoot music and Joan Baez and Peter, Paul and Mary and Simon and Garfunkel and all of the folk music that my dad loves as well as Bob, Dylan and people like Eva Cassidy. Also, my dad loves the music of music is very very important to my dad and i's mental health because we're both very wounded because as children we were neglected and both of us don't seem to be fully healed from that. Although I can't speak from my dad, I can only speak for myself, but I feel a strong kinship with my dad on this level and then my mom reaches out and listens to non-duality Eastern philosophy and quantum physicists and that helps her feel more connected to something larger than herself and a sense of family and community

An essay that I wrote to Pete Droge because I love his music so much and he shared this clip of the '90s when his neck tie second record came out . I hope it's not a weird thing to say, but you know how much I love the music of Tom Petty and I discovered you Pete droge because you opened for Tom Petty and now I kind of see you as an extension of Tom Petty and that you're sort of carrying the musical torch. I mean something about the fact that you're close to my age and you're still here and you're hopefully going to live a really long time. I just find that very comforting and I'm glad you're here sharing music with us. It really really is heart melting. And I totally admire you and Elaine for having such an amazing long-term relationship that is working very inspirational. I mean you have your own style. That's not Tom Petty style, but it just is like a cousin of the Tom Petty style and I appreciate your own unique ability. But I like to feel a sense of family when I hear your music and Tom Petty music and the byrds and the Beatles and things like that. I think of you in that similar genre. The folk rock genre or something, although every musician is completely unique... And I forgot to say something about you reminds me of James Taylor. I think it's because you're so relaxed and you seem so natural when you're singing and playing guitar. It has a very comforting feeling like listening to James Taylor. Even though you sound different than James Taylor, there's something similar in terms of your naturalness

The way my job's overlap makes my commutes extremely complicated . Well today's an opportunity to make lemonade out of the lemons because I made some choices that is changing my plan and I'm just going to Make the best out of the opportunity to show off my art car Opal Moonstone because I had planned to get up extra extra early and ride my bicycle to my model gig today to get on the ferry and now I have to spend more money and drive my car on the ferry. But the positive of that is that I can show off my art car and entertain people with it and maybe I can even go hiking in the forest instead of coming straight home from Bainbridge Island. I can walk in the forest and go somewhere that I've never been before I head back to the city.